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EDITING EXAMPLE

Excerpt from foreign businessman's MBA thesis

ORIGINAL

Stock is unavoidable for the company’s operations. A zero inventory policy is not realistic as explained in chapter 2. Not having inventory would take too long to be able to fulfil orders of customers who buy as they have found their one-stop shop partner. Smaller shipments are not cheaper are more risky and mostly impossible due to the minimum order quantity. Combined shipments are not possible as there are export restrictions on the licenses. This research has revealed that changes in the operational management are required to achieve superior company performance. Conclusions from the research are:

EDITED

Stock is compulsory for the company’s best possible operations. As illustrated in Chapter 2, a zero inventory policy is unrealistic. Without stock, the interval to fill orders for customers who buy from one-stop-shop partners is unacceptably long. We have determined that smaller shipments are not cheaper but riskier and, in fact, rarely feasible due to minimum order quantity. We also determined that export license restrictions make combined shipments impracticable. Changes in operational management are essential in order to achieve superior company performance. Conclusions and proposals for implementation of our research follows.